I'm Home

Well I made it home after two long flights and one night in London. The second flight I was bumped to 1st class as there were no seats left in economy or business class. Wow what a lucky break for me. I spent that flight from London to Chicago flying in style. I couldn't help but think about from where I just came and where I was sitting at present. They were two totally opposite places. I was in a sleeper seat and I reclined with my feet up the whole way home. I layed flat at one point and went to sleep after a 4 course meal. I felt so funny about it that I actually thought about giving my seat up and I would go back to economy. I guess I wasn't strong enough because I stayed in 1st class. I just wanted to know what that felt like I guess.

When I left for this trip I kept thinking about how great it would be to come home to the familiar and that I would feel so good about what I did yadda yadda. But that did not happen. I was sad the whole way home. I kept thinking about all those faces I saw. I kept thinking that they left all the hope they had with me to do something for them. Our group that visited was their last hope in the whole world. How could I go home now? How can go home to my shower, my clean life full of stuff and food and things I don't even need? How can I forget what I saw? I have to do something.

When we landed in London on our way back we had a 13 hour layover through the night so we went to a hotel for some sleep. I was so stunned by the cleanliness of the streets, the plain order of things in the West. The green, the people, everything was in order. I felt so ....... I don't know .... like I could finally breath again. We went and had a couple of beers and a dinner at the hotel. I ordered a water and drank it from a glass from the restaurant. What a funny thing to do after what I had been through. In Africa you obviously can't drink the water but even further you can't even drink out of a soda bottle. You must use a straw because the bottle itself is so dirty. I took a long shower and opened my mouth in the water and let it run down my throat, just because I could. I was able to brush my teeth from the tap and that was soo nice and convenient. I slept in a bed with sheets and a real mattress. In Africa if you have a mattress at all, it is a foam one. It breaks down very easily and my back ached in the mornings. There was Internet and electricity and so many things I take for granted. I'm wondering how it is that only two weeks without all this stuff was enough to make me feel this way? What must a lifetime without it feel like?

My mom and sister picked me up from the airport and kept asking me "are you happy to be home"? What could I say. I wanted to shout to them NO I AM NOT HAPPY. There are people dying as we speak. How can I go on with my life as before now that I know? There are people praying that I would come home to America and do something more to help them. NO I'M NOT HAPPY. Having my house all to myself and my green grass and clean water and the endless supply of food just seemed so........ I don't know, so wrong maybe. How is it that I have so much and they have so little? I have this big bed to sleep in with my dogs and Africans sleep on the ground and are lucky to even have a blanket to cover themselves.

I have had a sick stomach since the flight home. I have been in the bathroom more times than I can count. Whatever I eat is gone pretty soon after I eat it, if you know what I mean. I don't know if it's nerves or not used to this food here. But I wasn't gone that long so I'm not sure why all of a sudden this happened. Oh well I am not feeling too good but I know I need to eat something. So I went to the store today and my 1st trip back to an American grocery store was a shock to me. I went to a Dominick's here and I was surprised at how big it seemed to me. How much food there was seemed crazy. I have no desire for junk food of any kind. My taste for sweets is gone. Maybe it's because I'm not feeling well, I don't know. But I only bought wholesome organic food and fruits. I saw a pineapple and it looked so good. We had pineapple every day in Africa. I bought one and will cut it up for lunch.

I think I took it very seriously when they asked me to tell America about what I saw. I want to share the poem with you that was recited to us at the school near we were staying.

"Poor African Children"

This is the chalk board and the poem they read from.

We are the poor African children

lacking education

moving up and down

searching for a better life.

What can we do?

Poor African children.

Lacking parents, sisters,

brothers & relatives.

All because of disease.

Aids the killer

killing young and old

What can we do?

Poor African children.

With tears flowing like a river.

No medicine

no protection

no cure

What can we do?

Poor African children

Give us medicine

Show us love

Bring us mercy

You never know we will be the

President of Uganda for tomorrow.

When I heard them I think it hit me even harder how desperate they were. We were the only white people to visit this school and they really wanted us to know what their lives were like. They wanted us to go back to the US and tell people. There was a teacher that followed us everywhere begging for understanding and help from America. I made a promise I would do something. The thing is I haven't figured it out yet what I can and am able to do. I am so tired today and I don't feel good so I am going to rest and pray that God will visit me in my dreams and tell me what to do. Tell me where to go to make a difference. I am really moved by this experience and I don't want it to be wasted. I want to think of something more that can be done. Anyway my stomach is acting up again so I must go. I just thought it was important to capture my feelings upon arrival back to America.

I hope I don't end up like a weirdo and not able to function again, always preaching about Africa and we need to do more..... I don't want anyone to tire of me but today I am not sure where I belong and what to do anymore. I am glad I went and maybe after some rest I will know more what to do. Thanks for listening!